My battle with a malignant narcissist

Chapter 4

Previous chapters can be found here.

Things took off pretty fast. It didn’t come about instantaneously, though. There were still a lot of hard feelings regarding Outback, from her. I had decided it was best to move on and not dwell in the past. This is something REDACTED struggled with and would prove to be a reoccurring theme that continues to this day.

I made her a Spotify playlist, sent her sweet texts frequently, and invited her on a date. We were spending nearly every day together. I would spend nights there when REDACTED didn’t have her kids. I kept pressing to make things official. Eventually REDACTED told me REDACTED would tell me when REDACTED was ready.

We both drank, a lot. We were in a whirlwind of intoxicating love and intoxication from alcohol. REDACTED was always impulsive. It fan be either endearing or terrifying.

There was a time where REDACTED suggested that we go to a hotel and stay the night as well as swim. REDACTED booked the hotel and within the hour we were on our way there. REDACTED was excited. I was excited.

We pull into the parking lot about 20 minutes later and her excitement seemed to fade and her head was down in her lap.

REDACTED started sobbing claiming REDACTED would be a terrible mother to continue on this way. REDACTED had a children and yet REDACTED was gallivanting with a new man. We turned around. I got yelled at for going along with this and not stopping her. Another theme that would be reoccurring.

A week or so after, the date I had asked her on was about to come into fruition. I planned to take her to the 21C hotel art museum and the walking bridge. REDACTED wanted to drop by Outback first and take pictures with her coworkers and say hi for her birthday. I’m not allowed to go in at the time so I wait in my car.

I wait and I wait and I wait… After about an hour and a half I press her via text to come on. Eventually REDACTED comes out and I pick her up. REDACTED gets in and her head is down. REDACTED’s ill. REDACTED drank too much while inside and we had to go home and not on the date I planned.

We do end up making things official. I stay at her home almost every day. I spend time with her and her kids and they take to me really well. When things were good, they were great. It was impossible to know when I’d step on a land mine and the rage would come out though. It was more likely when REDACTED was intoxicated which was often. Don’t get me wrong, I love my beer, but REDACTED loves her shots. REDACTED’d go from 0 to 60 in the matter of a half hour.

There was a time here REDACTED tells me to pick her up a bottle. They didn’t have any half pints or smaller bottles and I end up getting her a fifth. REDACTED drinks a whole lot of it and I get absolutely berated for getting her a bottle that was too big.

One day REDACTED texts me saying REDACTED had to talk to me about something. When I get there REDACTED points to empty bottles and beer boxes and REDACTED tells me REDACTED wanted to get treatment for alcohol.

So I take her to Our Lady of Peace to be seen. It was her intention at first to be inpatient. Of course, if REDACTED’s going somewhere to get treated for alcoholism REDACTED might as well get drunk first.

We go into intake where they talk to her a bit and REDACTED had changed her mind and REDACTED went the outpatient route. This would entail her going every morning to group therapy for about 3 hours. To do this, I watched her kids every morning. I didn’t mind. It could be challenging but I got it done. Something that wasn’t addressed through treatment was her stimulant abuse.

One night while I’m at work REDACTED texts me telling Outback had fired her for drinking on the job.

Oh shit. This isn’t going to be pretty.

I get home and REDACTED is just wailing. It was audible and echoed throughout the entire house. I go to comfort her and REDACTED allows me for a while but I know the tides were about to turn on me. REDACTED rips into me blaming me exclaiming “isn’t this what you wanted!?”

It was my fault. I had tried to get her fired before. And all the stress I put her through caused her to drink on the job. Me being the cause of her drinking will be another reoccurring theme.

REDACTED didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get a new job. And for some reason I quit my job. It’s something REDACTED wanted as it would free me up to help her out, but ultimately it was my choice. I hated Applebees and I thought I could just DoorDash to make money. The issue I would soon find is that REDACTED never wanted me to go out DoorDashing and would I would spend some time out doing it, I would get called back by her for this or they.

Money problems began.

One day REDACTED tells me about an opportunity. There was this man who resided in Florida whom REDACTED had met at Outback. He would often send her checks for $1000. REDACTED tells me that he had given her a proposition. He wanted to give her $10,000. REDACTED said it would be great and we could use it to start a new life. Of course, I knew it would come at a price. REDACTED would have to do something. Something more than the pics and sent to get $1000.

He was coming into town soon. And he wanted to take her on a date. I knew there had to be more. So I pressed her for more details. He wanted to spend some time with her at a hotel as well. Obviously I raised an eyebrow. REDACTED clarified that it wouldn’t go all the way to that level. REDACTED said REDACTED wouldn’t do it if I didn’t approve. We needed the money and as long as sex wasn’t involved I was ok with it.

The date came. I was tracking her phone on phone. The whole thing was over by 9 with her at the hotel about a half hour. I picked her up.

I don’t know how we thought 10,000 could sustain us and 3 kids for any length of time. As the money dwindled, the mood shifted. I could tell when hellfire was about to rain down on me. If REDACTED had her notebook out and bank app open I was about to get torn to shreds. Her spending too much was always my fault. I should have stopped her from spending on this or that. Spending thousands on street Adderall didn’t help either.

Through our relationship, she easily stole thousands of dollars of merchandise from retail stores, mainly Target,

I was reliant on her for money and REDACTED was reliant on me for my car and childcare. I had to get a job because this wasn’t working. I begin sending out applications on Indeed. One day Drake’s calls and I get a job working there. I quickly took to the job as a server assistant and I do pretty well there.

Money problems continue but things get better. What I was making obviously still wasn’t enough so I put in an application for her unbeknownst to her. One day they call and REDACTED also gets a job there.

REDACTED goes in for her first day and REDACTED was having a horrible night. I watch the kids while REDACTED works. I had a ring staREDACTEDd away in the water heater closet, it was fairly cheap off Etsy but it was just the style REDACTED wanted. It was a black diamond engagement ring.

On her way home REDACTED calls me telling me we should get married. I more or less shut it down and tell her to be patient.

I grab the ring and put it in my pocket. Some time passed and REDACTED’s relaxing in her bed eating some tenders from Drake’s with honey mustard. I get on the side of the bed on both knees to share the tenders with her. I told her I loved her more than anyone in the world. REDACTED very sweetly asked “you promise?” I said yes and pulled the ring out. I opened the case and hover it over her belly and ask “Will you marry me?”

REDACTED was elated and very quickly says yes. I jump up on the bed to kiss her. We knock over the ramekins of honey mustard on the bed, but we didn’t care.

It was because.

About 36 hours later I get up out of bed in the morning just to go get something to drink. For some reason REDACTED’s peeing in a large metal bowl in the kitchen. I have clue why, too early, REDACTED laughs it off embarrassed.

I go back to bed. Like 5 minutes later REDACTED comes in saying Chris I have to show you something. I say “no no too early.” Somehow I knew what REDACTED was about to show me. It was a pregnancy test. I look at it and I say “yup… there’s a line. It’s faint but there’s a line.”

REDACTED was pregnant.